“Gangster Squad” Movie Review – Zombie Style

Gangster Squad came out last night, and I just had to see it opening night. The previews looked awesome, and the movie did not disappoint. It was set in 1949 Los Angeles and followed a group of cops who aimed to take down LA’s most dangerous gangster, Mickey Cohen. The action scenes and gun fights were thrilling, and the dialogue was very well done.

Of course, being the zombie lover that I am, I had to insert zombies into the movie (zombies make everything better). I decided which character I would want to turn into a zombie, which one I’d like to get eaten by a zombie, and which one I’d want to kill a zombie. Kind of like F*ck, Marry, Kill, but it would be Turn, Get Eaten, Kill (which is much more fun to play).

If Gangster Squad was a zombie movie, this is how I think it should have turned out:

Turn: I would have liked to see Jerry Wooters (played by Ryan Gosling) turn into a zombie. He was just too pretty, and I think his character would have been much more threatening if he was undead. I would have found him way more intimidating if he had chunks of flesh missing from his face and blood dripping from his mouth. And maybe he could have been missing a limb or two. Wooters as a zombie would have been so much more badass!

Get Eaten: I wanted to see Mitch Racine (played by James Hebert) get eaten by a zombie. Not just eaten, but torn to shreds and devoured slowly. Racine was one of Cohen’s gangsters who lured girls back to his hideout so he and his buddies could take advantage of the young ladies. His character did get what he deserved in the movie, but he was so smarmy that I would have preferred to see him get killed and eaten by a zombie.

Kill: I would have enjoyed seeing Grace Faraday (played by Emma Stone) kill a zombie. Her character didn’t do very much in the movie. It seemed like her only job was to stand around and look pretty. She didn’t get to kill anyone in this movie because she was a delicate little lady, so I really would have enjoyed seeing her kill a zombie. It wouldn’t have to be anything fancy. Just a bullet to the brain would do. I just wanted to see her character do something badass or edgy because I expect nothing less from Emma Stone.

I give Gangster Squad 3.5 out of 5 brains.

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