“Side Effects” Movie Review – Zombie Style

Side Effects follows the story of a depressed woman who takes prescription drugs that cause her to sleepwalk. During one of her bouts of sleepwalking, said depressed woman ends up stabbing and killing her husband. The movie was okay, but the first half was sooooooo slow. It started to get interesting about halfway through, and I perked up a little, but then the plot slowed down again. The ending was really weird and not very satisfying. There was exactly one plot twist, which made the movie just exciting enough to keep me awake (I almost fell asleep several times). One good thing about Side Effects was the girl from Ladybugs (Vinessa Shaw) was in it!! I can’t believe that Ladybugs came out more than twenty years ago – man, I’m old!

Anyway, if you’re fascinated by Rooney Mara, prescription drugs, Channing Tatum, and/or psychiatric hospitals (yes!), then this movie is worth seeing, but definitely wait for Netflix. If Side Effects was a zombie movie, then I’d probably have enjoyed it a whole lot more. Being the zombie lover that I am, I went ahead and inserted zombies into the storyline.

If Side Effects was a zombie movie, this is how it should have turned out:

Turn: I think Dr. Jonathan Banks (played by Jude Law) should have turned into a zombie. I got tired of his character yackety yacking through the first half of the movie. If he was a zombie he could still go about his business and help his psychiatric patients, but there would be less talking and more shuffling.

Get Eaten: I think Martin Taylor (played by Channing Tatum) should have been eaten by a zombie. I mean, he got stabbed and killed by his wife, so he might as well have been eaten too. You shouldn’t let a perfectly good corpse go to waste. Waste not, want not!

Kill: I would have loved to watch Emily Taylor (played by Rooney Mara) kill a zombie. She was so badass in the American version of Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, and I think it would have been awesome to see her slay a zombie or two. She’s a stone cold killa’.

I give Side Effects 2 out of 5 brains

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